Little Freakin' Insects (and other annoying creepy crawly things)
So today we were pipelining again. Yesterday was about 93 degrees, today was supposed to be hotter. Turns out it wasn't, but what was the killer were the damn bugs. So, I've decided to give the lowdown on nasty critters I deal with on a daily basis. Most of these guys (deerflies and mosquitos) tend to prefer moist or wet areas. Unfortunately, since these are the very things I get paid to look for, sucks to be me. Today, the deerflies were the worst, so we'll start there....
Tabanidae.The horsefly and deerfly family. Today brought new meaning to the awfulness of deerflies. My shoulders are sore today from swatting deerflies on my head and forearms. So we were out in the field for 9 hours. I don't remember a period of more than 2 minutes when I wasn't swatting at a deerfly. I became pretty proficient with the swat and rub technique because deerflies have this thing about getting hit really hard and falling off, only to regain consciousness (or whatever they have) half way to the ground and fly away again. The swat and rub allows for maximum friction and deerfly death. I'd say at least, AT LEAST I was swatting and killing 2-4 deerflies a minute. At least. Sometimes I would swat one on my head, pull it off to kill it (the squish till they pop technique) and another one would land on my hand at the same time! Stupid flies! So kill that one too. So....2 flies per minute times 60 minutes in an hour times 9 hours....I'll let you do the math. The answer: depressing. Let me tell you something else about deerflies. When they land they don't inject a sucker or something like mosquitos do. No, they use their saw like mouth parts to slice a gash in your skin and then lick up the blood pool that forms. Then they bounce (or die). So instead of secretion infested bumps, I ended up with hundreds of little tiny slices and bruises. Not sure which is worse...While I was walking I was thinking that a fantastic way to torture somebody would be to handcuff them and make them walk into a room full of deerflies and mosquitos so they can't swat them. I'm cruel...
How about mosquitos? Well, there were those too. Not as bad as deerflies though. I recall one particular incident, feeling a mosquito land on my forearm. As I looked to see it and swat it, and thought, "Hmm...it looks like a mosquito. I've never seen a mosquito with a red abdomen before." Of course, as this thought is occurring the "oh look a mosquito KILL IT" reaction is also occurring. So I do. And the little fucker juices out in, no lie, a puddle of something's blood no smaller than the size of a dime. And we're not talking smeared blood. I meant puddle when I wrote it. Ugh....
How about ticks? Those too. I figured out to wear those zipoff pants. Not for style, or even practicallity as they're supposed to be used. I've come to call the zipper joint and cloth covering there "Tick Traps". Ticks crawl up your pants and then get stuck there, and only once in a while do they get higher. Then, at the end of the day, you check your tick traps and dispose of any ticks you find. It's tricky, because once you flip up the tick traps, the ticks are no longer fooled and then proceed to all crawl up your thighs at once. Once they get to your upper body your chances of finding them unattached lessen significantly. I liken it to the old windows game where you are a little city and missiles are all coming down on you at once, and you have to shoot them out of the air before they flow up your little city. Anyways, the squish till they pop technique is much harder with ticks. They tend to be very resilient little fuckers. Today I probably pulled 20 off both legs, which is unusually high. But these guys always find a way to come back if you don't kill them so popping and seeing ooze is necessary. The worst is when you're driving and you find one. You have to pull it off, kill it, and then get it out the window without crashing. It must be killed because if you only put it out the window then it may blow back into the truck and now you don't know where it is. It'll only come get you later, and you might not feel it next time. I learn from experience. Afterwards you get the creepy crawlies (especially in bed that night) where you start feeling ticks crawling all over your body but then you look and nothing's there. Awful.
My hands and forearms are in a perpetual state of numbness from all the bites. It's this weird kind of feeling where they don't itch persay, but are all at the same time. So yeah, today was a good day. Deer flies from hell. Oh yeah I also got stung by something nasty (didn't see what, the hit, rub, and throw instinct was too quick cause this one really hurt) on the back of the neck. Now it's kinda big and puffy. I also got dehydrated even though I drank 4 liters of gatorate and a gallon of water. I also got cut on the finger by a sedge leaf. Which sedge? Who knows, there are over 200 of them. But it was sharp. And it cut me in like 3 places. Paper cut like, so now it stings. It would also sting when I'd try to swat the flies off my sweaty head and salt from sweat nastiness would get in it. I'm going to stop typing now...
Tabanidae.The horsefly and deerfly family. Today brought new meaning to the awfulness of deerflies. My shoulders are sore today from swatting deerflies on my head and forearms. So we were out in the field for 9 hours. I don't remember a period of more than 2 minutes when I wasn't swatting at a deerfly. I became pretty proficient with the swat and rub technique because deerflies have this thing about getting hit really hard and falling off, only to regain consciousness (or whatever they have) half way to the ground and fly away again. The swat and rub allows for maximum friction and deerfly death. I'd say at least, AT LEAST I was swatting and killing 2-4 deerflies a minute. At least. Sometimes I would swat one on my head, pull it off to kill it (the squish till they pop technique) and another one would land on my hand at the same time! Stupid flies! So kill that one too. So....2 flies per minute times 60 minutes in an hour times 9 hours....I'll let you do the math. The answer: depressing. Let me tell you something else about deerflies. When they land they don't inject a sucker or something like mosquitos do. No, they use their saw like mouth parts to slice a gash in your skin and then lick up the blood pool that forms. Then they bounce (or die). So instead of secretion infested bumps, I ended up with hundreds of little tiny slices and bruises. Not sure which is worse...While I was walking I was thinking that a fantastic way to torture somebody would be to handcuff them and make them walk into a room full of deerflies and mosquitos so they can't swat them. I'm cruel...
How about mosquitos? Well, there were those too. Not as bad as deerflies though. I recall one particular incident, feeling a mosquito land on my forearm. As I looked to see it and swat it, and thought, "Hmm...it looks like a mosquito. I've never seen a mosquito with a red abdomen before." Of course, as this thought is occurring the "oh look a mosquito KILL IT" reaction is also occurring. So I do. And the little fucker juices out in, no lie, a puddle of something's blood no smaller than the size of a dime. And we're not talking smeared blood. I meant puddle when I wrote it. Ugh....
How about ticks? Those too. I figured out to wear those zipoff pants. Not for style, or even practicallity as they're supposed to be used. I've come to call the zipper joint and cloth covering there "Tick Traps". Ticks crawl up your pants and then get stuck there, and only once in a while do they get higher. Then, at the end of the day, you check your tick traps and dispose of any ticks you find. It's tricky, because once you flip up the tick traps, the ticks are no longer fooled and then proceed to all crawl up your thighs at once. Once they get to your upper body your chances of finding them unattached lessen significantly. I liken it to the old windows game where you are a little city and missiles are all coming down on you at once, and you have to shoot them out of the air before they flow up your little city. Anyways, the squish till they pop technique is much harder with ticks. They tend to be very resilient little fuckers. Today I probably pulled 20 off both legs, which is unusually high. But these guys always find a way to come back if you don't kill them so popping and seeing ooze is necessary. The worst is when you're driving and you find one. You have to pull it off, kill it, and then get it out the window without crashing. It must be killed because if you only put it out the window then it may blow back into the truck and now you don't know where it is. It'll only come get you later, and you might not feel it next time. I learn from experience. Afterwards you get the creepy crawlies (especially in bed that night) where you start feeling ticks crawling all over your body but then you look and nothing's there. Awful.
My hands and forearms are in a perpetual state of numbness from all the bites. It's this weird kind of feeling where they don't itch persay, but are all at the same time. So yeah, today was a good day. Deer flies from hell. Oh yeah I also got stung by something nasty (didn't see what, the hit, rub, and throw instinct was too quick cause this one really hurt) on the back of the neck. Now it's kinda big and puffy. I also got dehydrated even though I drank 4 liters of gatorate and a gallon of water. I also got cut on the finger by a sedge leaf. Which sedge? Who knows, there are over 200 of them. But it was sharp. And it cut me in like 3 places. Paper cut like, so now it stings. It would also sting when I'd try to swat the flies off my sweaty head and salt from sweat nastiness would get in it. I'm going to stop typing now...
posted by Bryan at 5:56 PM
1 Comments:
Now I feel where you are coming from. I am volunteering for the animal rescue people, and I have to drive out to Plaquemines Parish (nowhere, LA) each week and refill feeding stations. I got out of my car and was swarmed. And then I saw a grasshopper, or cricket, I don't know, it was black, THE SIZE OF MY FIST. No exaggeration. I didn't even look to see what else was in the undergrowth. I do not want to know.
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